[ponderance...] [OPEN]

[Nemesis Nyx]

It was one of those rare days she had actually braved the outdoors for anything other than a class or Quidditch. There was obvious reason for that though, considering the current weather. It had been overcast all day, but the sky was only a soft grey, almost whitish. Now, it was covered so thickly with storm clouds that it was scarcely lighter than black, looking somewhat like a purplish bruise.

The lake gave warning of the impending storm, waves breaking so high up on the shore that it dampened the parched earth around it, leaving the grass soaked. It had been turning colours all day, from black to the same purple of the sky, to a bizarre green colour, finally mirroring the sky's earlier appearance. Now, it was the exact colour of Nemesis's eyes, in which it was reflected.

She had been sitting there for quite some time, staring off into the mountains, which seemed like a backdrop to the picturesque setting of the Hogwarts castle. The afternoon was coming to an end, which was left unapparent by the sun's lack of presence in the visible sky. Only stray groups of students wandered about, the rest inside.

Nemesis turned her head slightly, resting her pale cheek against the bark of the tree she sat under. A group of students, presumably Gryffindors, were flocked together coming back from the Quidditch Pitch, a few throwing curious looks of mild interest her way. She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled, before turning her head and opening her eyes to look down at her lap. The rough bark of the tree had scratched her cheek when she turned and left a cut there. It was pinkened and a small bit of blood gathered there, and a very miniscule droplet made a straight line right down her cheek.

A book lay in her lap, a pencil resting on the page it was opened to, which contained the rough sketch of a person, presumably a male figure. Her long, pale legs were bare, spread out in front of her, the only covering a skirt that didn't even reach her knee caps. She hardly ever went with her legs bare. Even when she wore skirts short such as this one, she always wore tights, leggings, or knee-high boots with them. For the first time in a long time, her legs were bare in public, and the scars that marred the otherwise smooth, flawless skin were visible.

Her hair was left loose, falling down her shoulders and around her face, the ends lifting gently with the breeze, brushing against the side of her face. She looked almost like a romantic portrait, but a sad, tragic heroine. She wasn't wearing an entirely black ensemble, and the telltale eyebrow piercing was removed for the day. For once, she actually looked normal, approachable, hardly recognisable as the Ice Queen. That had probably explained the piqued looks of interest from the other students who had been out and about, trying to figure out exactly who she was.

Wisdom was a blessing, but pondering like this... well, that was a curse.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius trudged through along in a midst of his fellow team mates. There were all laughing loudly at something that the keeper had told about his father's latest girlfriend. "And she walked in wearing this leather...thing." Sirius let out his bark-like and elbowed Steven in the ribs, "Bet your jaw hit the floor did it?" Steven snorted, "Mine? You shoud've seen my grandma's!" Laughter pealed through them once more as they continued on their way towards the great castle looming over them.

He had been too busy talking to the other beater to notice that everyone in front of them was stopping and looking out towards the lake and muttering to each other. He collided with Steven's back and almost fell over. Thankfully he managed to grab onto someone and steady himself before he made a fool out of himself. He looked over to see what all the commotion was and his eyes fell upon a girl sat by herself. Everyone else moved on, leaving him to wonder about the mysterious girl.

He made his way over to where she was sat. As he got closer he recognised her to be Nemsis Nyx. He approached wearily as he wasn't in the mood for an argument right now. Though he suspected he would be safe. When they were alone they generally got along quite well. There was no pressure to uphold the expected Gryffindor/Slytherin rivalry. Sirius sat down beside her without saying. They sat in silenc e for a few moments before he cracked, "Hey. You out heere for any particular reason? Or just trying to get away from castle life?" He reached up to his loose and pulled the band out. His hair fell down messily around at which point he flicked his head to make it go behind his ears.

[Nemesis Nyx]

Nemesis didn't look towards Sirius to see who had come when he sat down. She didn't need to; he was the only one brave--or, as some would argue, stupid--enough to approach her so casually. She lifted her vacant gaze from the book to look over at Sirius. She shrugged slightly and leaned back against the tree. "Just thinking. About... a lot of things. I needed to get away from those people, anyway." Of course, she spoke of her housemates. Even they didn't seem to like her. "This weather relaxes me a little... I don't know why. I'm glad it isn't sunny though..." She looked down at her outstretched limbs. "Otherwise I might be a lovely shade of scarlet to rival your Quidditch robes."

As if only just noticing the cut on her cheek, she lifted two fingers to it, and bit back a hiss when her fingers made contact with it. "Ow. How did that happen?" she wondered aloud, then, she gazed at the retreating figures of Sirius's team-mates, then, towards him. "It amazes me they didn't crucify you on the spot for coming over here. Don't they recognise me?"

[Sirius Black]

Sirius nodded as she explained her need to get away. He knew the feeling, he felt the same way every time he went home for the summer. As soon as he entered the house he was counting down the seconds until he could leave again. Thankfully though he would never have to go there again. At the end of last summer he'd stormed out and vowed never to step foot in theat hell hole ever again. Of course it had earned him a blasting on the Black Family Tapestry. That had been the happiest day in his sixteen years. Next summer he planned to spend with the Potter family. After they had found out what had happened James' parents had insisted that he stayed with them. His uncle Alphard had wrote to him just a few days ago offering to give him enough money to buy his own house when he was old enough.

Sirius chuckled, "I sure you would. Being as pale as you are I bet you tan really easy, don't you? But I've got to say, in there current state the only way you'd look like my robes is if you rolled around in the mud." A cheeky grin formed on his face as he ran his fingertips along his muddy chest. He reached over and smeared the dirt on her cheeks and nose. "Or if I do that."

"I'm sure they will," he shrugged, "Then again they're used to me wandering off to go talk to attractive women, regardless of house. I doubt your fellow Slytherins would be too happy if they found out you make a habit of being civil to a Gryffindor, even worse a Marauder. I'm sure Cissa and Bella would murder you if they discovered your dirty little secret."

[Nemesis Nyx]

Nemesis smiled slightly, probably the first real smile in a long time, and even laughed a bit. "Well, thank you for marking me, Sirius. I do appreciate it." She bit her lip, certain that if she thought she was capable of it, she'd be blushing. That was something she didn't do very often... What surprised her the most about it was that she didn't flinch when Sirius touched her either. Usually, no matter who it was, if someone touched her, she'd balk and end up saying something rude.

Then, she pondered on something else: Sirius had mentioned something about attractive women.... did that mean...? Oh, why did she even care? It wasn't going to matter anyway. No use being flattered over something Sirius had merely implied toward her, but had most likely said straight out to so many others. She shook her head at herself and closed the book, resting it on the ground with the sketching pencil she was using.

"I don't think they would be too happy either, but to be honest, I don't care." Nemesis made a sour face at the mention of Narcissa. At least Bellatrix was a little bit tolerable, although rather off her rocker, and quite blatantly so. But Narcissa... ugh. She shudded to think. "Personally, I think I'd rather be in Gryffindor. The only reason I'm in Slytherin, I think, is because I'm too damned stubborn. My sister is lucky; she's in Ravenclaw, and people love her..." she paused. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just damned to be hated by everyone for the rest of my life."

She closed her eyes. "Not that you care. You probably have worse problems than I do... But I can't help but to think about it. Every day I have reminders about how dysfunctional my life is," she paused, "Reminders like this," then opened her eyes and gestured to the scars on her legs.

[Sirius Black]

"Was that a smile I saw? And...Miss Nyx were you laughing? I'm truly honoured that you have graced me with your laughter. I doubt many people get to see that beautiful smile of yours but you really should do it more often, you know," he said, chuckling as well. He had caught the pink tinge that had shown on her for a few brief seconds, of course he had, Sirius Black always picked up on someone blushing. But he decided not to say anything about it to save her from embarrassment.

"Mmm, me too," Sirius agreed. "You're not hated!" he protested, "You're just...misunderstood that's all. If people knew the you that I do then I'm sure they'd all love you too. They don't know what they're missing. But honsetly? I wouldn't have you any other way," Sirius smiled. He put his arm loosely around her waist and gave her a friendly squeeze to emphasise his point.

Sirius frowned as he looked down at her bare legs. They were scattered with scars that reminded him of the one's found all over Remus' body. He traced one of the longer scars softly with the pad of his thumb before he realised what he was doing and looked up at Nemesis. His hand was still resting on her ankle as he asked sternly, "You didn't do these yourself did you? Tell me what prat did this to you and I promise they'll regret the day they were born!"

[Nemesis Nyx]

Nemesis bit her lip again trying to keep herself from blushing. Damn Sirius... any other person she could deal with. Just not him... Why did he have to make everything so complicated? She would be fine with hating him, or just being acquaintances. But it was so much more than that... too complicated to even comprehend the explanation for it.

She surprised herself again when she didn't flinch as he put his arm around her waist, but instead actually leaned in a bit closer to him, her smile softening as he spoke. She couldn't help but continue to smile at his smile. When he smiled, she felt like killing herself for all the nasty words she had said to him in the past. A tiny voice was nagging her that Sirius had probably said similar things to others, that it didn't mean it was anything special, but another part of her wouldn't hear it. For that moment, she could at least pretend she was the only person on Sirius's mind, at least for the time being.

She caught him looking down at her legs and followed his gaze, shivering as he traced the scar. She figured he'd notice eventually, but wasn't expecting him to say anything. She should have expected it though... She wasn't prepared to explain it, but now she had to. She wasn't going to lie to Sirius, she couldn't. "No... my grandmother," she said softly, looking away. She had never told anyone else before. Most people who saw them just assumed they were self-inflicted. "She's... not exactly a great contender for surrogate parent of the year." She smiled grimly. "If you think those are bad... you should see the others."

Yes, there were others... Most of them lay on her back and shoulder blades, though there were others in places that would only be unclothed in the most intimate of moments, and several decorating her forearms and wrists. She turned one arm so the underside was visible, showing Sirius the inside of her thin wrist, where the telltale scars lay. "See?"

[Sirius Black]

He smiled to himself as, out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her lean in to him. "We should do this more often," he said softly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You're grandmother did this?" he asked shocked though when he thought about it, it wasn't all that surprising. He knew Nemesis' family was a lot like his own and his own grandmother would have done worse to him if she'd ever gotten her claws on him. "You need to get out of there you know. You can't just let them treat you like this, you deserve better." When she said there were others he said simply, "Show me."

Sirius took her arm gently in his hands when she showed it to him. He traced these scars just as he had done with the ones on her leg. "My friend has scars like these," he told her absent mindedly, "He gets all self concious about them though." Sirius looked up at her and asked, "Does anyone else know about these?"

[Nemesis Nyx]

"We should," she agreed softly, allowing herself to ease up against him, enough to even rest her head lightly on his shoulder subconsciously.

Then, Nemesis looked up at Sirius, her eyes soft and sad. "I have no where else to go. She's the only family I've got besides my sisters. Cassie can't even take care of herself... and Kera pretends I don't exist. Sometimes I think she's fooled herself into believing I don't, that's how well she does it." She bit her lip and looked down at her arms.

When Sirius took her arm, she did nothing to stop him and brought her gaze to his face again, studying him. "No..." she shook her head. "There are others, too, besides these... my back, other places I can't show you.... not here at least." She paused. "You're the only person who knows."

[Sirius Black]

"Well, as soon as I get my own place after we leave here your more than welcome to come and stay with me," he said. "I would invite you this summer but I'll be living with James' family so I'm in no position to offer."

"Here, let me..." Sirius positioned himself on his knees behind her. He slid his hands underneath her top and moved them up so they were and the top of her back, briefly passing over her bra strap. With his fingers he located the scars and rubbed them gently before going into a massage. As his hands worked he leant forward and whispered in her ear, "How's that?"

"Some other time, when we're somewhere more...private, will you show me the others? My hands work wonders in many other places too," he said then winked.

[Nemesis Nyx]

Nemesis finally allowed herself to blush at this and lowered her gaze, rather abashed. She certainly hadn't expected that... She sighed softly and arched her back responsively to Sirius's touch, before pursing her lips tightly.

"Sirius, please..." she said softly. "Don't tease me..." She was enjoying it, but secretely wondering how many others he had done this to, in that same spot. "It's not fair..." She pouted slightly, shivering as his hands continued to move over her skin. Well, maybe to him it seemed perfectly fair. After all, they did flirt a great deal, but she was almost certain he didn't know exactly how strongly she felt for him.

She bit back a soft moan that was threatening to surface and closed her eyes. "You have no idea what you're doing to me..." she mumbled, inhaling deeply, then exhaling, reluctant for him to stop, but at the same time wondering if it was sincere.

[Sirius Black]

Oh how may he had heard those words come from a girl's mouth. He could tell she was enjoying it but then there was that part of her tone that suggested that she did want him to stop. "Do you really want me to stop? If you do just say the word and I will and we'll forget this ever happened." He lowered his voiced and said, "But you don't want me to stop, do you?"

Sirius licked his lips, "I do Nem, I know exactly what I'm doing." He slowly weaved his fingers down her sides and onto her waist which felt so dainty against large hands. His thumbs moved in circles where they were placed. He dipped his head and placed a small kiss on the part of her shoulder that was bare before resting his chin lighly in the same spot. "Relax," he whispered, "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

[Nemesis Nyx]

"No," she told him softly, which was all her voice could manage at the moment. "I'm not going to lie to you... I don't want you to stop." Out of the corner of her eye Nemesis looked at him, her expression a mixture of uncertainty and desire. He seemed so sincere. How was she supposed to tell him that there was a part of her still doubting his motives?

"I trust you, but," she faultered, "I'm afraid of being hurt, Sirius." She slipped her hands gently over his, shivering at their warmth. "I'm confused--what am I supposed to think of this? How am I supposed to act? I've never done this before." Her voice was quiet, and it died down into nothing towards the end of her words, afraid she was talking too much and ruining the moment.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius closed his eyes, guilt coarsing painfully through his veins and causing his stomach to tie in knots. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. His heart lifted slightly as he felt her hands on his. "I should've..." but his voice died in his throat.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, "I don't want to hurt you, I want to help you. I can't tell you what to think or how to act but...listen to your heart, it'll tell you the right thing to do." Sirius was rather impressed by the words that came out of his mouth, they were sincere and honest but he never knew he could be so deep.

On one hand he interlaced his fingers with hers. He moved closer so his chest was touching her back. He was still on his knees but now his legs were widened to accommidate her lower back and bum. His other roamed around, her hand still on top, and over to her midriff before he told her, "Show me how you want be touched. Use my hand and show me what you like, Nem."

[Nemesis Nyx]

"No... don't be sorry. I know you don't want to hurt me..." Nemesis shook her head, smiling softly at Sirius's words. He respected her enough not to be pushy, and that was something she really admired. She sighed softly and rested back against him, the back of her head against his shoulder.

"I don't know what I like. Sirius, this is all so new to me... Please, do what you want..." she shifted slightly against him. "I'd be more comfortable. If I want you to stop, I'll tell you."

Then, she tilted her head back slightly so she could look up at him, her eyes directly on his. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I know this is asking a lot, Sirius," she said softly, "but do you think there could ever be anything between us?"